"I just wanted to say that I'm a hipster, and I'm here tonight to stand up for the rights of other hipsters. I mean uh, all our lives we've been laughed at and made to feel inferior. And tonight, those bastards, they trashed our house. Why? Cause we're self-absorbed? Cause we look different? Well, we're not. I'm a hipster, and uh, I'm pretty proud of it."

"Hi, Kendall. I'm a hipster too. I just found that out tonight. We have news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us then there are of you. I know there's alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might've been called a scenester, or a douchebag, or a snob. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, whether you think you're a hipster or not, why don't you just come down here and join us. Okay? Come on."

"Just join us 'cause, uh, no-one's gonna really be free until hipster persecution ends."